Astrology Class – Term 1

Week 1: Started Astrology classes. Most concerned to discover our Illustrious Tutor despises Taureans, as they are greedy, fond of excesses of the VERY WORST KIND, and insufferably slow and boring. Shows how much he knows. I am a model of sensitivity and propriety (apart from that incident with the psychologist and the strawberry ice cream in 1982 — and that was only in the interests of dispelling our baser instincts to achieve spiritual unity — so it quite clearly doesn’t count).

Week 2: Things have picked up slightly. The mysteries of astrology have deepened, but the woman sitting next to me is very interesting, and A MAN has joined. Wonder if he’s interested in Taurean excesses? N.B. Remember geometry set for next week.

Week 3: Start to draw our charts. This is very difficult

a) because I bought a cheap geometry set and the compass slips all over the place, and

b) because it is very difficult.

The interesting woman next to me says she is thinking of doing yoga instead — either that or committing suicide — she hasn’t quite decided.

THE MAN is interested in Taurean excesses. Also, he is not interested in astrology. Dismiss him totally. You can’t win ‘em all!

Week 4: Continue drawing our charts. WHAT CAN IT ALL MEAN ? Listen to a lot of complicated stuff about British Summer Time. Decide to be a famous astrologer for people born in the WINTER months only.

Week 5: Illustrious Tutor explains Sidereal Time. “It’s 24 hours spread over a year” That must be like half a pound of butter spread over 5 loaves of bread (and 2 fishes — joke, Ha! Ha!) The butter would have to be really, really soft, otherwise you’d never manage it. Decide to be a famous sandwich maker instead.

Week 6: Discover I have a Sagittarius Ascendant. This means I enjoy a challenge. On way home get tow bar wedged under a fellow student’s bumper. Removing this whilst trying to cause minimal damage is quite challenging.

Week 7: Knuckle down to the challenge of astrology. I’m sure it’s not all that difficult when you set your mind to it. FEEL VERY SUPERIOR, as the interesting woman I sit next to is still mystified. Try to explain it to her, and confuse her totally. Decide she needs my “psychological blockage” lecture. She is not impressed, and threatens not to sit next to me any more.

(to be continued….)

Addendum: Should have made it clearer that this peice was originally posted at Transit (thanks Val Dobson) by Sue Elward. There is a 2nd part now: Chapter 2.